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I will try to give the voice to fading souls, souls we lost, and some who are with us and are misunderstood, and chained in painful boxes!
Im 26 years old, I didn’t finished my education, I grow up with my cousins, whom I consider as my real brothers and sisters; my aunt was so kind that she didn’t treat differently from her kids. I was one of hers.
My dad was alive but he had to leave me with my grandma and aunt after my mother died, and married to another woman.
While I was passing through my teenage life, I had different experiences with boys and men.
My first experience was one of my uncles, I was 8 years old, and didn’t know what sexual harassment or sexual physical act was, I grow up with this weird feeling, a big battle within my self, I tried to be with girls, but always be fascinated by men.
I was dragged to the gay scene mistakenly, met one of the bosy through a jaad session I had in one of my friend's house, we get along and his friends to, it was kind of circle.
It was good but we didn’t share much, no much information about our families or lifestyle, but you could tell that some of them were shielding themselves away from many things, including their families, they used to spend longer hours in these houses or public places were all men gathers and chew chat.
Some of them were strong and knew how to fit with the society and behave normal with straight people, always dressing gentle to fit well and not look different because of their from being pointed out by people and be out!
I was going through a lot, I cant get what I want, I don’t feel like belong to this fake life Im living, and I cant make anyone know about me; I meet this cool old men who got money, who are from abraod visitng their cousins or families here for summer time, because they are the only chance from to feel free with and be a bit spoiled, but its always a short period of time and they leave, and the city gets board to me and I meet again this little desperate guys like me who we are going to continue chewing chat together.
I want to feel a bit of change, I want to work and have a better life, so that I can be good and maybe have more better chance to be around men and be wanted, but its hard for me to find a job sometimes, jobs are limited and some times it need education.
But I feel that if I have a job I will be forced to get marry here, and in a certain age, my family or relatives will suggest girls for me to marry because I can settle down; I don’t want that.
The easiest thing for me is to go to abroad, I want to live in any western country, more freedom, and work, and everything is going to better for me there.
I don’t have money, I don’t have passport, but im sure there “somewhere beyond the sea” im gonna be fine, im gonna meet the right one, im gonna work, and I can be free about my self, and express it to fullest, I only can do that if i go tahriib.
One is arrested in Libya, and one was one of the least lucky who survived the sea, and two died in the waters.
This is a common life experience within many gay men I came across with in Hargeysa, people thinks the major reason for Illegal migration is unemployment, but youth got different problems, and this act wont stop, till we address it and solve it.
I bet it’s the same case with the whole horn of Africa.
I hope things will change!
