People I met on the road of Life Part1

We met on a dating site, and he was very intelligent and straight to the point, it took four weeks of chating to meet, till we felt it’s the good time, we went out, and he invited me over his house to meet him, which showed me the trust he had for me to take me to his house, I could thought it’s a friend's house, but I met his cousin and his older sister, and it was a very respectful move from him. We had wonderful night, dinner, conversations, online and connected me with his close friends in abroad through skype, it felt like a fast relationship, but that didn’t stop us from being friends and close at that night; a night which needed up beautifully and happy.

After one date and one week, things changed, no much passion anymore, I felt something changed about him!

I had a gay friend who was visiting Hargeisa for a couple of days, we decided to go to Berbera and I though it will be nice idea to bring a long my close new gay friend to have a group fun on road to Berbera; He excused, said he is busy. But after that the excuses kept going on and on, switched off phone, not calling back, and then making up an excuse to dumb me, saying I outed him, making me feel guilty about something I haven't done. I told him its better to be clear about changing his my mind about me and say  “hey I don’t want to do this anymore” clearly. But a whole big fat lie act to get rid of me is so ugly and unacceptable.

After 3 weeks of breaking up, called me asking for a favor, I did it, and I asked to meet him anytime he is free, said OK.

 

But again the excuses kept going on.

Couple of days ago, he called me after I send him a message explaining how its nice and important to have close friend to talk to in this city, and how much I trust him.

Then gave me this weird reasoning saying he doesn’t think we have the same mentality, and pause/silence! I tried to convince him about the whole conversations we had and how it was just ideas worth to be shared and discussed about. But the phone call went to a weird direction were both of us were silent some seconds for multiple times. And then ended up saying he can be in contact with me but we cant meet anymore! that’s it. I had to call it out.

I really like this guy so much, he's so innocent and scared to express him self to anyone close to him, as he shared with me about the lack of confident he got with men before, but felt good with me, and I really liked that.

No clear reason so far about keeping me away from him, and not being honest with me.

I tried as much as I could to make him open up with me, but no reason for this kind of behavior with anyone when you’re so open with them. Its not good for my dignity anymore.

I hope he will be more forgiving with him self and accept other in his life. 

On my Hand than meeting You!

For the last 6 years, I was online trying to date, was interested in local guys in Hargeysa.

The online dating culture doesn’t exist here at all, whenever I log into a dating site, it shows me small number of users which isnt more than 5 men, or sometimes none.

Hargeisa has a big number of gay men “as I’ve seen or told by some friends”, but I wonder how do they all connect, what kind of gaydar do they use to meet and date. 

The last 3 months, I dedicated 3 hours everyday “sometimes morning, afternoons, late at night” to chat with men and see if they are willing to meet, it was like chating with one person, but with different name, same chating style, same phrasings, and always looking for a quick reliefe, detailed sexual erotic conversations! Without even asking for Cam2cam, some kind of Cum and run!

And that’s it, and after sometime they will always make an excuse about being scared to meet someone because they are afriad to be exposed.

What do you think about this?

"As he Said"

We started chating, it was our first date after we were chating for 3 weeks, I was so happy to find this guy online, we used to have long discussions about things in this city, he was cool.

Then it was the valentines day, he suggested to meet him and have a movie night, it was a blind date with someone you know already, but the physical form he is going to show up with will always be different from whats in mind, that wasn’t important I was so into seeing this person I was bonding with virtually!

We met at a cafe, we talked about many things for the first time, we span 7 hours together; and he had this idea which was about the definition of being homosexual, he didn’t like me saying us gays, or that gay; he had a long experience in the scene in Europe and he traveled to the US, the term gay takes the sexuality to a different way, which is like creating a new gender, rather than a male or female, “not about Transgender” 3rd gender doesn’t exist “As he said”.

The whole differentiation the western media is booming about is turning into a commercialized movement, which is going to be more used for TV materials, educational material, and creating new products and new lifestyle for the person to feel different and have more different needs, which is going to create materialism “As he said”.

People have different values and lifestyles around the world, and this presented homosexuals lifestyle package cant suite everyone around the world, its presented with the form of An American or western package, which cant fit an African, Asian lifestyle “As he said”.

He putted it in a more understandable and beautiful way then I'm writing right now, that discussion gave a pose to a lot of things I was sharing about the lifestyle of homosexuals In Hargeysa “As I Said”. 

Somewhere beyond the Sea

To share with you this story, today im not Fading Soul; I will be Abdi/Mohamed/Farah/Jama.

I will try to give the voice to fading souls, souls we lost, and some who are with us and are misunderstood, and chained in painful boxes!

Im 26 years old, I didn’t finished my education, I grow up with my cousins, whom I consider as my real brothers and sisters; my aunt was so kind that she didn’t treat differently from her kids. I was one of hers.
My dad was alive but he had to leave me with my grandma and aunt after my mother died, and married to another woman.

While I was passing through my teenage life, I had different experiences with boys and men.

My first experience was one of my uncles, I was 8 years old, and didn’t know what sexual harassment or sexual physical act was, I grow up with this weird feeling, a big battle within my self, I tried to be with girls, but always be fascinated by men.

I was dragged to the gay scene mistakenly, met one of the bosy through a jaad session I had in one of my friend's house, we get along and his friends to, it was kind of circle.
It was good but we didn’t share much, no much information about our families or lifestyle, but you could tell that some of them were shielding themselves away from many things, including their families, they used to spend longer hours in these houses or public places were all men gathers and chew chat.
Some of them were strong and knew how to fit with the society and behave normal with straight people, always dressing gentle to fit well and not look different because of their from being pointed out by people and be out!

I was going through a lot, I cant get what I want, I don’t feel like belong to this fake life Im living, and I cant make anyone know about me; I meet this cool old men who got money, who are from abraod visitng their cousins or families here for summer time, because they are the only chance from to feel free with and be a bit spoiled, but its always a short period of time and they leave, and the city gets board to me and I meet again this little desperate guys like me who we are going to continue chewing chat together.

I want to feel a bit of change, I want to work and have a better life, so that I can be good and maybe have more better chance to be around men and be wanted, but its hard for me to find a job sometimes, jobs are limited and some times it need education.

But I feel that if I have a job I will be forced to get marry here, and in a certain age, my family or relatives will suggest girls for me to marry because I can settle down; I don’t want that.
The easiest thing for me is to go to abroad, I want to live in any western country, more freedom, and work, and everything is going to better for me there.

I don’t have money, I don’t have passport, but im sure there “somewhere beyond the sea” im gonna be fine, im gonna meet the right one, im gonna work, and I can be free about my self, and express it to fullest, I only can do that if i go tahriib.

One is arrested in Libya, and one was one of the least lucky who survived the sea, and two died in the waters.

This is a common life experience within many gay men I came across with in Hargeysa, people thinks the major reason for Illegal migration is unemployment, but youth got different problems, and this act wont stop, till we address it and solve it.

I bet it’s the same case with the whole horn of Africa.

I hope things will change!

The rise of Pedo-Caps

As we know Hargeisa witnessing the rise of taxis for the last 2 years, which is good for the people who don’t own a vehicle.

Cheap and reliable, different companies; but you still can find non-registered caps owned by individuals, which can cause many problems, which can disappear with no trace, that’s why we keep hearing about harassment or rape incidents happened with some taxi drivers and their friends.

My car went down couple of months ago, so I had to go with one of these small caps, we had to stop in one of the check points which is close to the Airport bridge, it was weekend, while he was checking the car “the cop” he said to the driver:”let this be your last customer call and no random pickups tonight!” he laughed saying to the cop “I don’t know about that, but I know It always happens with other taxi drivers”.

I had to ask him what he meant, and he told me that most of the small caps do a random pick in the streets most of time “the non-mentioned protistuituion that’s is going on here”, In my mind I was thinking about the other possible incidents that can occur in this kind of issues.

I had to chat with different guys online and bring up this thing, and some of them told me they had met taxis who gave them free drop, which was always late, when some of them goes late at night to walk around and get a random pick-up, they always come by these men

Cadaani Restaurant is a famous usual pick up spot for straight and gay men too, where young girls and boys will stand there after their meal or drinks to get a free ride.

It wasn’t so far when I heard about the incident of the taxi rape, she went with him after he offer her a free drive, and then raped her., you will hear different versions of this story but the ending is same.

I tried to think a bit like a predator, or pervert, what as easy move they can do to students after school, like waiting them in the streets and giving them a free ride, in thought of them being recognizable because they are driving a taxi and its easy to reach them, that how innocent this society youth can get!.

I hope anyone who read this will have caution about it and alert others!

Till Masks Fall Apart

Going Anonymous, and look for a blind hook ups through the internet sometimes is not good at all.

Dating sites is not popular in gay community in Hargeisa or Somaliland; So Facebook is the solution to meet others and get laid; And nobody is honest about their role, all are Tops, and always Versatile, no body claims being Bottom, all are in denial, its a stigma of gay men around the world.

Its always like this whenever i try to chat with someone on Facebook , when everyone is using Anonymous profiles with fake names to get men, fake appearance description, and for sure the age is false.

It was a long time since i met someone through internet, so i tried to hook up, and i met this man, we chatted for 2 days then decided to meet, he insisted to meet him directly for sex without date, or pre meeting or something; i was kind of scared because of thinking it might be an outing technique from a young boy "that's what i heard many times from different men i met abroad , about young curious guys in Hargeysa, who likes to meet men and get laid and then start blackmail them".

Made my mind, and called him, drove to the place he told me about, and i was shocked; The age number he told me was wrong, the appearance was different from what he mentioned, and i saw him before in many places as pious man. Nothing else was wrong, but i felt weird and something, and i stopped my self immediately from taking this step.

Went back to my car immediately with no word, i felt bad but didnt thought about it till later.

Thinking within my self, how many people like him are in disguise in the daylight, and when the sun goes down start chasing men, and the next day acts religious or pious; the whole city is in a denial.

I'm not an religious practicing person, but i dont act like i am.

Went to many parties, were girls and boys feels free and act different from their daily personality character.

Hypocrisy in its highest levels going on here. Its hard to see people being the victims of the system of older generation built for them. Young men acting like 30 to be accepted, female teenagers who wants to act like an older women to be a marriage material and be accepted from their community.

Being the way you like won't hurt anyone, you can be free from culture formula which looks based on religion and its always not!

I know its not an easy thing to except homosexuality in an east African country, but we hope that someday we will reach the level of acceptance.

No Chance!

It was a weekend, we had a plan to meet and make out.

I searched my room and couldn’t find any condoms, I asked him on phone and he didn’t have too.

I had to go to down town to pharmacies to buy some; one long scenario with different actors happened that night "it was worth to shot a film about it" one of the pharmacy keepers couldn’t believe what i was asking him, he tried to explain to me that he got 2 different condoms, one for some kind surgical thing (which after I checked wasn’t condom) and condom, then he replied no i don’t have! 

I knew they all sell it "even though the NGOs and Humanitarian agencies provides it for free, the pharmacies still will sell it, with double price of the average cost!" but I had to tour the whole down town for the damn condoms, after 1 hour and 20mins of searching; i found it in a far from down town pharmacy, but he gave me that disgust look when I asked him and he replied "$2 for one " i was like what? He replied “if you need it this is the price take it or go”. I was out the whole night so I couldn’t leave it behind, and knowing that someone was on hold the whole night waiting for me too. Bought 3 pieces with $6 and NO DISCOUNT!

It’s one of the million different stories you will hear from people who tried to enjoy their time, and forced them self to have sex without protection.

Another different thing I faced with the guys here, is the fear from using protection, thinking the condom bag got the diseases, reasoning by saying “western companies injects/pack it with diseases so that people will get sick”.

No excuse of having sex with no protection, I can understand where it coming from with the much sexual frustration going here, but I can see diseases spreading so fast!

I had to leave some of the guys on hold and not do anything after the crazy attitude of not using protection; with the need of getting physical I had to leave!

I haven’t come across any lubricants in stores or pharmacies; the invention of lubricants doesn’t exist here at all, Vaseline and other body lotions are popular, but usually they will go with the rough way its easy and fast “as someone said to me before”.

As we know Somali men doesn’t live alone if their families and relatives are in the same city, as a bachelor you have to live with them till you get marry even if you’re above 30 years old!; So meeting men and having casual sex is hard “can’t say intimate sex, as I mentioned before in my last post homosexuals doesn’t believe in their orientation, it’s just an urge they need to fulfill with other men”, so cars are the motels, parking car in any corner of the city, and have a quick short sex is the only way, that cause unsafe sex.

Someone needs to do something about this; we need organization/Agency which can provide safe sex/protection products to people.

INGOs tries to educate youth about this every year, just with a seminar/workshops, and at the end not providing any products, why? Because the Somali members who works in these INGOs thinks the availability of condoms encourages sex and premarital sex.

People will have sex, either they are homosexual or heterosexual, nothing will stop them; provide protection for them its their right.